My smile is gone.

I'm pretty much done with everything right now. Its getting harder to smile, to tell everyone it's okay, when I know its not. I'm done with my father, i'm done with my family, i'm pretty much done with all of my life. It's not making any sense anymore. It's getting harder when I know it does get hard but when is it going to be my turn to be happy, to be in a great mood for once, and actually have my smile be real. I'm starting to think that it will never get better, that life won't get easier. Crying has become my basic need to get everything out for the past couple of weeks. I hate the fact that I bottle things in and then when things just build up I just explode and crash and it happens alot because I just have way to much going on. I've been stressed out lately when I know I shouldn't but thats what comes out with my horrible self-esteem. I HATE that i'm fat. I HATE that I don't have really anyone to talk to. I HATE that my family hates me because i'm an odd ball. I HATE that my mom is always complaining about my weight and what I look like. I HATE that my dad is an alcoholic. I HATE that my sister gets all the attention. All this hate inside me has to come out. I don't want to be a negative person anymore. I need to be happy because everything just sucks right now. You know how people wish at 11:11 at night? Well I do it too. I wish I was liked. I wish people cared for me. I wish somebody would come along and make me happy. It just hasn't happened yet. Hopefully soon it will...