ARGH! I am so freaking done with all the bs in my family. I hate that I can't have a normal family. I hate the fact that I keep getting played by people. What happened with my family you say? Well.. My mom does not listen to me whatsoever like I could say anything I want or do whatever I want and she wouldn't notice or even care I swear. So we were at dinner tonight with some of the family friends and my mom and her friend were talking about work (big shocker there) and so my sister, and my moms friends husband, and I were all talking so I had said oh yeah im going to pierce my nipples just to see if my mom noticed. Nope she didn't. But when my sister said it my mom was like oh no your not and all this stuff. So my mom's boyfriend had said to my mom well your other daughter is gonna do it and she goes oh..well.. I don't care. Oh thanks mom. That's a HUGE slap in the face when you know you're mom doesn't even care about you. She even puts her boyfriend in front of you. It's all about him whatever we do. Like we will be out in a store and they'll be holding hands and PDA like crazy and I'll be like oh I need this, or oh I need that and she'll most likely be talking, kissing, or hugging all over her boyfriend. I'm sorry are you my mom? Because I feel like you just don't even care. Thanks.
And with the getting played part. Welp I liked this guy alot and he was my bestfriend. And sometimes it would seem like he liked me because he'd be like hey beautiful and I love you and I miss you, I wish you were here so I can be laying with you and all this other stuff. Well I fell for it like an idiot and then he stopped talking to me for a while so I was like oh thanks douche! then one day I woke up and found that he texted me and once again he said all the nice things and once again I fell for it like an idiot. And now he hasn't texted me back. Why is it that I fall for his tricks over and over and OVER again? I think it's because I don't usually hear the nice stuff that he tells me and it's just so sweet that I fall for it knowing at the end it's going to be the same thing but always hoping that it wouldn't and that maybe this time would be different. It really isn't.
I always crave to be liked and loved because I don't get to expeirence it that much if ever. I always crave for someone to be like i'm proud of you or way to go. Or even I love you. It's an easy word to say but so powerfull. Powerfull enough to change people. I'm always hoping it would change me, make me happy, make me smile. Nope just when people say it to me they don't mean it. They usually want something from me. I'm the person who is playable because nothing bothers me. When in fact everything bothers me, I just don't show it because I don't cry infront of people because I don't want them to see how weak I am. I am a strong person because of all the crap I went through from my entire life.
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