My favorite thing about school is?

Well there is a lot of things I like about school. Odd enough because I always say I hate it but I actually have fun and enjoy school. Why do I like school?

1. I like learning; like weird enough but I actually like to learn stuff, especially history because it's so  fascinating to learn about stuff people actually did before I was born. What's my favorite thing to learn about history it's the holocaust.
2. I like some of my teachers; I don't know why only some of them. Probably some piss me off but some of them are actually cool.
3. I like school supply shopping; clothes and supplies but mostly supplies because I hate shopping. I like when you get all the school supplies and your putting them together it just feels great.
4. I like meeting new people; though I always say I hate people which I do but I hate ignorant and rude people, if your cool and nice I'll like you.

I like more stuff but those are the most important. Reason for my post tonight? Well I just went school supply shopping and I got 2 batman folders which make me smile so I had to tell people. :)

First day of Senior Year was...

So first year of senior year was...CRAPPY! well in some cases it was and some cases it was great. My classes are okay but some people are just so insanely ignorant it drives me crazy. Like I know i'm not black but when somebody who is black keeps on repeating the N word every 5 seconds it really upsetting because that word has so much meaning behind it that some people don't realize why they say it. Like I seriously HATE when people say it because it's such a strong hurtful word. They have no idea how they would change as a person if they would just use other words other than that word. They would be respected more as a person and more liked and well rounded. But no. They have to use that word and people just lose respect for them. Like me. But other than that it was okay. We tried out this one hour lunch thing which I think is a bit ridiculous because our school has over 3,000 students and our cafeteria is not that big. And people at my school are ignorant and rude as it is so when your trying to get out of there because you can't stand people and it was getting way over crowded and people just push you and yell at you to move, i'm sorry but that's when I will start yelling. Ugh people these days.

But other than those things I'm taking yearbook so i'm really happy about that because i've been there since the school opened back when I was in 7th grade. Yeah sounds weird right? Well the school opened and I was in 7th grade so they made the school 7th, 8th, and 9th grade. Then the next year it was 8th, 9th, and 10th grade. Then finally it was an offical high school with 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th grade. So i've been there for 6 years and I think it would be really special if I did the year book for my last year and the last original class graduating. So I got assigned to a group today where we have to make our badges and we had to take pictures and make it unique so I jumped in the air because i'm quite original and unique and so everybody loved my picture and wanted to do the same thing as me and I was like way to be original? lol.

So that pretty much sums up my day. It was good but it was also very bad. Hopefully as the school year goes on, people mature and grow up and it will be exciting :)

WOOOOT!

TOMORROW IS THE START OF MY SENIOR YEAR! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I AM WAY EXCITED but nervous. BUT STILL WAY EXCITED!

The Silence by Mayday Parade

So if you haven't heard that song you should because it's amazing! and i'm listening to it now and it's definitly what i'm feeling right now. So I was in New York with my bestfriend so that's why I didn't have a new post in like 2 days. And when I didn't write it felt like I had SO much building up inside of me and I was on the verge of crashing. So my father ended up coming today. And at first when I heard he was coming in the beginning when he first had said it I took a while thinking about it but then I had said I would go and see him but then he said I disrespected him so then I said no. Well I found out yesterday that he was coming today and I told him that I wasn't going to see him and talk to give because I had given him a chance and he just totally ruined it. So I had to open the door for him today and I said hi but that was it. I went into hiding because all of these emotions were just coming out of me and I just started crying my eyes out and I didn't want to cry in front of him because i'm done with that. So then he kept trying to talk to me and like follow me for answers and I just wanted to scream at him.

I shouldn't be able to put up with his crap anymore. I'm done with that. You've hurt me SO MANY times I don't know how I can forgive you. Everyone is telling me that I should give you a chance but why should I? I've given you almost 17 years of chances and you've just thrown them in my face. I hate you. I'm never going to forgive you. I just can't.

Bad Day

So I pretty much had a bad day. First I didn't work out as good as I wanted to. Then my friend threw my water bottle into my bad and broke my phone. So i'm currently phoneless and i'm going to new york tomorrow with my friend (so I wont be on for 2 days) and then my mom had surgery on her foot today so i've been taking care of her. And I feel so bad for her because shes in pain and I feel hopeless. :( I love you mom, please feel better.

Stop Talking that Blah Blah Blah!

So I'm sitting here on the couch while watching big brother and i'm totally thinking about how I kinda wanna put on all of my transformers bandaids that I just bought on my body. I would be so happy. Since I don't have really any much to say tonight I'm just gonna put some pictures up that I love.

This is george lopez. Well Duhh. But I am in love with him. I don't think hes hot or anything I just love him because how he's funny. He makes me laugh so much I don't know what I'd do without him whenever I'm upset.

This is my bestfriend Sarah. I met her back in 9th grade and we've been unseperateble ever since. She's someone who I can always have fun with and she knows how to keep secrets. i don't know what i'd do without her.

This is my bestfriend Liana. She's the bestest friend i've ever had. She knows whenever i'm upset and knows how to cheer me up. We can be in the middle of class and just randomly start break dancing. She helps me out with everything.

And last but not least this is my bestfriend andi. She is my number one person that I go to for anything. She knows how to keep me on my toes and keep me smiling. I would take a bullet for her or a stab in the heart with a knife. She is my bestfriend and I love her. We can be in the middle of target and have so much fun (hence the picture we wanted to try out the game at target).

Don't you just hate it when...

So today me and my friend decided to go to the mall. Well we had to workout first so she said she wanted to come over at 815 to pick me up. Well I got a random case of insomnia last night and didn't end up going to bed till 3:30 in the morning and then waking up at 5:45 because my stomach was hurting. Whoopie. So after trying to go back to sleep again I finally fell back asleep and then woke up at 7:45 to get ready. I had to take a shower and shave my legs because they were hairy and it bothers me. So I finally get out of the shower at 7:55 and I'm getting everything ready to go to the gym (I had to get all of my shower stuff because I was so not going to the mall after going to the gym and being all sweaty and nasty) So I had thought I got all my stuff. WRONG. My friend ended up getting here at 8 so I was rushing to get all my stuff ready so she wasn't waiting that long. I forgot a towel. So we went to target to go get me a towel. Then we worked out and got showers and then we were on our way to the mall and movies.

So fandango had said the movie would start at 10:10 so we got there and the movie theater didn't open till 10:06. Random time... I know. So we bought our tickets and the movie didn't end to start till 11:10. So we went to the mall and just chilled into 11 and then went back over there. Then we got there and we missed the previews and the first 10 minutes of the movie because of the stupid people that work at the movie theater. They couldn't get the video up at first and then they finally got the video up but no audio. I'm sorry but I think snooki from Jersey Shore could work that better than the stupid people at the movie theater. Oh and by the way we saw Vampires Suck. In my opinion the movie freaking sucked. It was not even funny. Total waste of 5 dollars.

Then after the movie we went to the mall and of course I didn't have any money so we were there for 5 hours and she bought like the entire mall and I bought nothing and I was kinda upset because like we don't have the money :( ugh it sometimes sucks.

Whoever said psychics were wrong... I don't believe them.

Oh my sweet baby jesus today was GREAT! I woke up today with a smile on my face though I got woken up at like 9. Then I finished my paper for ap psychology. Then we went to the commissary for food because we surely didn't have any food in the house. And then we came home and my friend came over to help me choose first day of school outfit. I wanted to get out of the house because I was bored and there was nothing to do. So me and my friend decided we wanted to go see a psychic. Oh my gosh was she so accurate about my life it was ridiculous. She guessed that my father was an alcoholic and that I have trust issues, and all this other stuff. Then she said that I was going to be successful in my last year in high school and then when I go to college i'm going to find my true love and marry him. Oh man I'm really hoping shes right because that would be so great!

Now I'm watching the Law and Order SVU marathon and eating banana bread. Which for one law and order svu is amazing! and so is banana bread! :) So I have to tell you kids a story that just makes me laugh. So my mom was driving yesterday and then her phone rang as a text message so she told me to read it because she's not going to text and drive for one thats illegal and two we don't want to die. So the text came from my dad asking my mom to ask me a question. Of course I was going to answer it because it was technically for me. So I told him the answer and then I said oh and by the way this is Jaymie and if you don't like my answer then don't come out here and if you come out here and you make me cry I will leave and never talk to you ever again because I'm done crying over you. Then he texted me back and said oh I feel so hurt and betrayed blah blah blah. I'm not even coming out here anymore because I'm not doing this shit. In a way I'm kind of relieved that he's not coming out here because now I don't have stress like crazy about it. But my psychic said to try it one day at a time but don't put your all into it. I don't know what to do. But the part that just makes me laugh was that he sent my mom a question about me for ME to answer but when I answer it so my mom doesn't have to text it to him and he freaks out and says how he's not coming out here.

HAHAHA people are funny and fake and just crack me up.

superfantisticfabulous

Welp. Today my mom decided to take us clothes school shopping. She took us to hagerstown which is like 2 hours away which I was really happy with because I so need new clothes. So we got there and I found a dinosaur shaped sandwhich cutter. I wanted it SO BAD! so I could have dinosaur shaped sandwhiches! I could just imagine going to school and whipping them out and being like BAM! I got a dinosaur shaped sandwhich! So then we went to lunch at Longhorn Steak House and i've never eaten there and I actually liked it. So then my mom goes "you wanna drive home?" which means there would be highways involved. And since i've never driven on the highway I sorta freaked out. But I said yes because I need to get my license soon.
So were driving home on the highway (well i'm driving home) and of course i'm like gripped on the wheel and it's all tight and then my elbow starts hurting (I've got tennis elbow so it can get pretty bad and painful) so i'm driving and i'm trying to loosen up my arm and elbow so it doesn't hurt that much. Well i'm like an hour and a half away from home and my elbow is hurting like really bad but I still feel like I have to drive because I didn't want to disappoint my mom. So now i'm finally home, and im icing my elbow because its in excruciating pain.

While i'm icing my elbow me and my mom are watching this lifetime movie. It's called till lies do us part. This guy is crazy but hes funny. My dog is whinning for his toy but I hid it because he LOVES to chew it on me and then all his slobber gets all over me and then it gets really icky and then I get all mad. Now my mom is telling me to get it but I don't really wanna get up i'm pretty lazy. But i'm also hungry. Maybe if I just wish like aladdin I'll get a genie and he can give me food, get my dog his toy, and then find me a boy. Because I'm boyless at the moment and its no bueno.

As I lay here...

So i'm thinking about alot tonight. Mostly about next weekend. My dad is apparently supposed to be coming down here. If I had a normal childhood I would be way excited for him to be coming. But since he ruined my childhood... I'm not exactly excited. So here we go story time into my life about what happened in my childhood. When I was a kid and my mom and dad were together, me and my dad were extra close and I was a HUGE daddy's girl. But I realized at 5 that he was an alcoholic... and everytime we were together he would be drunk. Quickly as I grew older I began to realize it more and more and well then my mom and dad split up and got a divorce. As I grew older, his drinking got worse, and I started to go through depression. My dad had put me through enough. I now have trust issues, and I have to have someone to love me or I freak out. Trust me I try to work on it, but after everything I've been through, my feelings and my hurt just can't go away.

Usually when I'm stressed out like this I blast my music. So i've been listening to some of my favorite songs from paramore, mayday parade, and GLEE. Hopefully it will get my mind off somethings. I'm hoping so.

All I can do is Smile

So i'm sitting here on the couch watching the patriots vs. falcons game. GO PATRIOTS! sorry I had to put my team out there. Anyways so i'm sitting on the couch just thinking about some stuff. I'm thinking about how good I did today with exersizing. I'm thinking about how good Tom Brady looks (oh baby). And I'm thinking about my future. I'm a senior in high school and i'm so scared. I don't think i'm ready to grow up. I don't think i'm ready to be an adult and look out for myself. I mean I can't even do it now and i'm still at home and sometimes I pay for myself but most of the time my mom pays for me. And with school it's been such a rollercoaster. I mean in 9th grade I failed english 1 so now i'm an english behind my classmates and now that i'm in senior year I have to double up and take english 3 and 4. I'm also taking AP pyschology. I tell myself everyday that I can do it but then I think about what if I do fail, i'm letting myself down, and my mom down. I don't want that burden on my back I already feel like I failed her back in 9th grade. It's not a good feeling.

I don't really have much to say tonight.

Argh.

So today went good...until dinner. As I told you, me and my friend joined a gym so were trying to get all skinny and healthy. So I was really proud of what I did today with my workout. So at dinner I wanted to tell my mom how good I did today. I went to start talking and my sister rudely interupts me. So I stay quiet to wait till shes done. Well then I try to start to talk again. Then my mom interupts me. So when she was done I was like well then I guess you don't want to hear my news and my mom goes "Jaymie your sister didn't make the volleyball team, dontcha think that's a little more important than what you have going on?" So then I was like oh no. Now im upset and mad and I say "Oh that's right you don't pay attention to me at all and it's all about Jorden!" and I left the dinner table and went to my room. My mom comes down and starts yelling at me saying how I should be upset that Jorden didn't make the team and how we should be there for her blah blah blah. And so I yell back to get my point across. And you know what happens after that? I FREAKING GET GROUNDED FOR NOT BEING SUPPORTIVE OF MY SISTER. seriously? This family sucks sometimes.

Then today I get a facebook comment from my old bestfriend. We became friends in 6th grade and then she left me in 8th grade because she got into alcohol and drugs. I'm sorry that's just not me I don't want to do any of that. So she ditched for all of that and boys. One summer I think it was 7th grade we went to Ocean City and I went with her family and she brought me so I was like oh sweet. Well the night we got there her sister brought her friend and they got drunk. So me and my friend were like lets not drink until 21 and lets not have sex until we know we're in love and all this stuff and we made a pact. Well 8th grade came and I went up to her and she ignored me for this guy who was known for being a druggie and stuff. So I was pretty upset by that and I didn't talk to her for a couple of days. Then I texted her wanting to know what was up and why she wasn't talking to me anymore. Well she had said that I was a nobody and all this other stuff. That hurt. So we didn't talk anymore. Then 9th grade came and she had lost her virginity and a rumor was going around that she was preggo. I knew that we weren't friends anymore but she was my bestfriend once so I had to do something. So I texted her and was like "woah are you preggo?" and she goes "No why?" and I had said "oh because it's going around school that you are" So she stopped texting me and she went on facebook and said she wasn't preggo. Then 10th grade year came around and she got fat and nobody wanted to talk to her anymore. I felt bad and tried to talk to her and stuff. Once again she ditched me for alcohol, boys, and drugs. 11th grade year comes around she has no friends and thinks oh maybe I should get my old friends back they were great. So I get this facebook comment saying "oh i miss you, we're bestfriends, i love you and all this other stuff. At this point I thought oh no I gave you how many tries and you just ditched me? So now she wants to be my friend and I'm just like oh nope. You ditched me. I was your only friend and the only person to talk to you. We're done.

Wasn't that a great story? And you wonder why my life is so effed up.

Hard work and dedication.

Welp today was great. Though I realized that I didn't write yesterday. My bad. So me and my friend wanted to join a gym because were sick of being fat. So we joined a gym. Today was our first official day of doing the workout at the gym. I had been working out for like the past 2 weeks so I was used to it. She on the other hand does not workout at all. So it was a lot harder than her. We started out on doing the bike we both did 12 miles which was good. Then we did the treadmill. I ran 2 miles and I was so happy because i've never done that before. She did like a mile walking and I was so proud of her. We both pushed each other to do what we needed and hopefully we will lose something. I hate that now i'm craving a donut. Like i seriously want a freaking donut. I have craving's because they are not fun.

Im so happy because yesterday I got the first two books of the pretty little liars series (the actual books) so once i'm done reading the book i'm reading now i'm going to read those. Pretty little liars is one of my favorite tv shows right now. My others are:

1. Biggest Loser
2. One Tree Hill (which better not be its series finale because then I might cry)
3. Ghost Adventures
4. Huge
5. Make it or Break it
6. Cake boss (though I have to watch it when i'm working out because when i'm watching it I always want some cake)
7. Army Wives

And I feel like i'm missing a couple shows. oh well. That pretty much is my life right there. That and music pretty much are my life.

Old times have some great memories.

So today we got netflix (which I now love and is my new bestfriend) and i'm watching one of my favorite cartoon movies. QUEST FOR CAMELOT! oh man this movie has given me some great memories. And I feel bad because I just found out that the person who sings kayley's mom's part is celine dion. Woah totally just found that out and this is supposed to be one of my favorite cartoon movies. Go me. BUT ANYWAYS! I was a 90's kid and I must say that, that decade had the BEST tv shows. I'm gonna make a list of my favorites.

1. Rugrats
2. Hey Arnold
3. Rocket Power
4. ALL THAT!
5. The amanda show
6. Rocko's modern life
7. 7th heaven
8. Blue's Clue's (with steve not joe)
9. Boy meets world
10. Charmed
11. Dexter's Lab
12. Full house
13. Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
14. Home Improvement
15. The Nanny
16. Sabrina the teenage witch
17. Sister, Sister
18. Touched by an Angel
19. Doug
20. Animaniacs
21. Pinky and the brain
22. Salior Moon
23. Angry Beavers
24. Recess
25. The Flinstones
26. The Jetsons
27. CatDog
28. Pokemon
29. Johnny Bravo
30. Ed, Edd, And Eddy
31. Little Bear
32. Scooby Doo
33. Courage the Cowardly Dog
34. Powder Puff Girls
35. Magic School Bus
36. Arthur

And that's just some of them :)
But that's probably why i'm so messed up these days because I watched so many tv shows.

Baby, i'm bulletproof.

ARGH! I am so freaking done with all the bs in my family. I hate that I can't have a normal family. I hate the fact that I keep getting played by people. What happened with my family you say? Well.. My mom does not listen to me whatsoever like I could say anything I want or do whatever I want and she wouldn't notice or even care I swear. So we were at dinner tonight with some of the family friends and my mom and her friend were talking about work (big shocker there) and so my sister, and my moms friends husband, and I were all talking so I had said oh yeah im going to pierce my nipples just to see if my mom noticed. Nope she didn't. But when my sister said it my mom was like oh no your not and all this stuff. So my mom's boyfriend had said to my mom well your other daughter is gonna do it and she goes oh..well.. I don't care. Oh thanks mom. That's a HUGE slap in the face when you know you're mom doesn't even care about you. She even puts her boyfriend in front of you. It's all about him whatever we do. Like we will be out in a store and they'll be holding hands and PDA like crazy and I'll be like oh I need this, or oh I need that and she'll most likely be talking, kissing, or hugging all over her boyfriend. I'm sorry are you my mom? Because I feel like you just don't even care. Thanks.

And with the getting played part. Welp I liked this guy alot and he was my bestfriend. And sometimes it would seem like he liked me because he'd be like hey beautiful and I love you and I miss you, I wish you were here so I can be laying with you and all this other stuff. Well I fell for it like an idiot and then he stopped talking to me for a while so I was like oh thanks douche! then one day I woke up and found that he texted me and once again he said all the nice things and once again I fell for it like an idiot. And now he hasn't texted me back. Why is it that I fall for his tricks over and over and OVER again? I think it's because I don't usually hear the nice stuff that he tells me and it's just so sweet that I fall for it knowing at the end it's going to be the same thing but always hoping that it wouldn't and that maybe this time would be different. It really isn't.

I always crave to be liked and loved because I don't get to expeirence it that much if ever. I always crave for someone to be like i'm proud of you or way to go. Or even I love you. It's an easy word to say but so powerfull. Powerfull enough to change people. I'm always hoping it would change me, make me happy, make me smile. Nope just when people say it to me they don't mean it. They usually want something from me. I'm the person who is playable because nothing bothers me. When in fact everything bothers me, I just don't show it because I don't cry infront of people because I don't want them to see how weak I am. I am a strong person because of all the crap I went through from my entire life.

Adventures on a Tractor!

So yesterday I was driving home with my mom and sister in the car when we decided to go to my uncle and aunts house. When we arrived we saw that they had gotten baby dwarf goats. They were so cute and soft and super nice! ...surprisingly cause i've always have seen them ramming into people. But anyways so when we were playing with them a chicken came over to my and like pecked my foot which hurt really bad so I decided to get away and hold one of their bunnies named Bun Bun while my sister was holding one named Honey Bun (I forgot to tell you that I also have a 4 and 7 year old cousin, hence the name bun bun and honey bun). Which they were babies too so they were very small and adorable!

So while my uncle was cooking dinner we were all joking around about me driving the tractor around and I had thought we were joking...i was...they weren't. So after dinner hes like YOU READY?! and I was like haha ready for what? and he's like TO DRIVE THE TRACTOR? and I was like um sure..? So I get on the tractor and he kicks it up all the way. (keep in mind that i'm a bad driver and i've never driven a tractor before) So i went FLYING down the hill and I was screaming. Five minutes later I was used to it and having fun with a smile on my face. My little cousins and my sister decided to get in the back of the tractor (it was pulling something so that people could sit in it.) I was driving, they were laughing and we were all having a good time. I started to do donuts. I swear to god I never thought I would have so much fun on a tractor then when I was doing donuts.

Then when I was done driving the tractor, my sister wanted a turn and she can't drive either, and shes 15 so she doesn't have her permit or license so she has no driving skills whatsoever. So when she was driving we almost tipped over 10 times! WHAT IS THAT!? I was so scared for my life and I was thinking about all the things I haven't done yet before I died. Thank god my uncle made my sister stop driving because we had to leave to go back home which means a 2 hour drive. It was actually a peaceful drive back. When we finally arrived home I was so excited to be back in my bed that I layed down and passed out and woke up this morning and I was like woah that was great.

Tic Tacs vs. Lifesavers

So today me and my sister were having this debate on tic tac vs. lifesavers and I think that Tic Tac's TOTALLY beat lifesavers out of the park because their better especially the orange kind. So were pretty much having this poll right now to see which ones better, so please give me some opinions to which one you like better! Other than that my day was pretty much normal. I leave virginia beach to go back home on friday and i'm gonna miss it like crazy! It's so amazing here that I wanna just live here forever.


So right now i'm watching House of Wax right now and isn't this supposed to be a scary movie? Because it totally isn't. Though Paris Hilton just totally got killed and it was really funny and messed up but who cares. My newest addiction right now strawberry melon Fuze ( i wonder how you say it though because im always confused on how to say it) and animal crackers. Best combination since Peanut butter and Jelly I must say.


You may realize that i'm in a much better attitude today than I was yesterday and I was just thinking that people do change, that things WILL get better if I just improve my attitude and think postivley that life will get better. I think I just need new people in my life to improve my attitude so any takers? lol. Im pretty random I know but thats just who I am, like it or not. I don't go by any labels I just wanna have fun.

My smile is gone.

I'm pretty much done with everything right now. Its getting harder to smile, to tell everyone it's okay, when I know its not. I'm done with my father, i'm done with my family, i'm pretty much done with all of my life. It's not making any sense anymore. It's getting harder when I know it does get hard but when is it going to be my turn to be happy, to be in a great mood for once, and actually have my smile be real. I'm starting to think that it will never get better, that life won't get easier. Crying has become my basic need to get everything out for the past couple of weeks. I hate the fact that I bottle things in and then when things just build up I just explode and crash and it happens alot because I just have way to much going on. I've been stressed out lately when I know I shouldn't but thats what comes out with my horrible self-esteem. I HATE that i'm fat. I HATE that I don't have really anyone to talk to. I HATE that my family hates me because i'm an odd ball. I HATE that my mom is always complaining about my weight and what I look like. I HATE that my dad is an alcoholic. I HATE that my sister gets all the attention. All this hate inside me has to come out. I don't want to be a negative person anymore. I need to be happy because everything just sucks right now. You know how people wish at 11:11 at night? Well I do it too. I wish I was liked. I wish people cared for me. I wish somebody would come along and make me happy. It just hasn't happened yet. Hopefully soon it will...