I'm done. I'm done with life. I'm done with people. I'm just done. I can't do it anymore. I'm depressed. I put on a fake smile everyday hoping people wouldn't know whats wrong with me but people just don't care. Why should I care about people if they don't care back? If in the end they just end up hurting me? That's why I don't get close to people, I get vulnerable and then it makes it hurt 10 times worse when they hurt me. I can't go to school anymore and have people think i'm always happy. Because i'm not. I'm sad. I'm depressed. And things in my life are repeating over and over and making it worse for me to deal with things.
No one knows what I go through everyday because no one cares to know whats wrong with me. I could do harm to myself and no one would even stop to ask me whats wrong or why I did it. No one would miss me if I was gone. It'd just be another day. Another lifeless day with people not caring.
All this pain and anger and sadness inside of me has to go away. It's eating me alive. I can't do it. I can't take it anymore. What's the point in being alive if you have all this inside of you? I'm thinking some messed up things and I can't push them away. I can't push the feelings and thoughts away because they just stick inside of me and eat me intill I get to the point where I don't want to move or do anything. Every night I cry. It makes it worse because then I feel worthless. I hate me. I hate this life. I hate these feelings inside me. I want them to just all go away. I wanna be happy. But I just can't. It's just too much.
Honey, please don't be this hard on yourself. I know it doesn't seem like anyone cares right now, but people do care and I care. Please don't do anything rash. Talk with a counselor at school or the peer resource thing. Don't hurt yourself, get help. I have found that even if I think that my friends don't care that perfect strangers do care.
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I know it's hard to focus on anything when you are depressed; I've been where you are. I tried to put all my focus toward the good things I had. At first, it wasn't much, like that one best friend that is always there for you. Then, you slowly start to find the good in other things out there. Over time, the good will outshadow the bad. Life isn't perfect, it's all about how you take it. Look at things from a different view. The struggle and challenge of growing up will shape you are in the future, I promise. Hang in there, girl.
ReplyDeletethanks guys. i'm trying to find the good in life right now but it's getting harder and harder to find. And like all my friends are like drifting away from me and going to their other friends and i'm slowly losing them one by one. I'm slowly losing my family and soon I will have nothing. I just wish things would change.
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